all_strange_wonders | Entries tagged with fucking nightmares

My 90 year old grandmother fell out of her bed and broke her femur just above her knee replacement this week. Usually, that's the sort of thing they want to do surgery on, but… she's 90 years old, and she only weighs 90 pounds or so, and she doesn't really walk anymore anyway. My mother and uncle talked to the doctor and decided that because of all that, it might actually be better to skip the surgery and splint the leg. Unfortunately, even with pain medication it's still bothering her considerably.

In addition, I am having creepy dreams about a stalker taking over my life, which is why I'm writing this at 5:15 in the morning. Argh.

Nightmares.

Nightmares last night, of that persistent, sticky kind you fall right back into as soon as you go back to sleep. Haven't had them for a while, and last night's was particularly vicious. I've been awake for an hour and I'm still trying to shake the sense that what I dreamed was real.

It's all the worse because I was really starting to believe that my solution had actually worked even better than I'd hoped. It was meant to ease the interpersonal pressures in my waking life, and lo and behold--no nightmares. Experience would say that I should have expected even more. Rejection is a bitch, after all, even when you're expecting it.

I guess that feeling of being left behind that I've been having is the catalyst for them starting up again.

Ah well. It was nice while it lasted.

Still feel like shit. I hate the way these dreams carry over into the whole day and I end up feeling almost as bad come bedtime as I felt when I got up in the morning, no matter how well the rest of the day went. Then sometimes as a bonus I'll have MORE of them because I went to bed feeling like this.

I hope this isn't one of those times. I'd like to get a restful night's sleep. With the dreams, I do tend to sleep pretty hard, but it's not restful. It's more like being trapped, getting all tangled up in the dream and not being able to get out. Even when I do wake up, the dream just picks up again once I fall asleep.

I really, really hate these dreams. I hate the way they make me feel, I hate the person they make me into when I can't shake them, and I hate the fact that they make such a deep impression even when I know they're not real. And I hate that they're pretty much the only dreams I remember having.

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Go and catch a falling star

such a pilgrimage were sweet

Entries tagged with fucking nightmares

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July 2023

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