all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (tired of smiling)
Have finally found something irritating about one of my flatmates.

Every time she walks in and sees me in the kitchen, she asks what I'm making.

"Well," I do not say, "if you would use your eyes, you would see that I have peanut butter and bread out. If you would like to exercise a little logic, you could probably guess"

I also do not say, "Frozen rolls, just like it says in big letters on this bag I'm holding, you moron," or, "Fried baby! It's my mother's recipe," although I'm deeply tempted to.

What is more irritating is that she then wants to have a conversation about how she lived on pb&j her freshman year but can't stand just peanut butter on her sandwiches, or how interesting frozen rolls are. I do not care about your peanut butter preferences, frozen rolls are not interesting. I just want to make this food so that I can go back to my mountain of reading.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Google Maps knows the road ends just past our house.

IT IS A MIRACLE.

Now if only all the GPS maps would learn the same thing, we'd be in business. Because apparently in a fight between a sign that says "Road ends, 300 feet" and a GPS that says the road goes through, the GPS wins. Go figure. Luckily, the DOT game along and not only put up posts to keep morons from driving across the unpaved, ungravelled dam, but put up some red signs on each end to make it really, really plain that NO YOU CANNOT DRIVE HERE. Not even golf carts and four wheelers fit through those posts, although morons looking for something to set on fire unfortunately do. So far, their hobbies include not only arson, but trespassing and vandalism. Fun!

Of course, we're expecting one of these young idiots to fall into the lake and sacrifice themselves to Darwin pretty much any time now, and we draw the line of being helpful at calling the ambulance. The lake is much deeper at the dam's edge than it used to be, and jumping in to try and pull someone out is a really good way to drown yourself.

On the bright side, it turns out there are fish in our lake! We don't know how they got there, but they're bigger than the minnows that were all we had last year.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (terrible danger)
There are plenty of things to be peeved about in the world of fanfiction--misspellings, bad or no punctuation, a total lack of paragraphs, badly handled dialogue, straight up bad writing, and pretty much all crossovers ever, just to name a few (and oh, does the list go on*). Here are two examples of what I call "summary peeves"--things people will say in their story summaries that will put me off a story before I've even read it.

Pet Peeve #11479a:
People who say "First fic, don't be mean" or some variation thereof in their summaries. This is actually code for "This is so bad it may actually be unreadable. I didn't use spellcheck and I don't believe in paragraphs or punctuation. If you offer constructive criticism, I will fly off the handle and threaten to kill myself because I am a sensitive artist and you are *SOB* SO MEAN!!1!!1!".
If there is a disclaimer of this type in an author's note within the story but NOT in the summary and it is clear that the author has made an effort to work with the English language instead of against it, this peeve may not apply. That first post is nerve-wracking, after all.

Pet Peeve #11479b:
People who say "Review for updates" (or, more commonly, review4updates, thus vaulting it into a whole new level of peevery**) in their summaries. This is convenient shorthand for "I am an attention whore. This story will be of indifferent quality at best, and you will not review it, hoping thereby to kill it stone dead."
As a general rule, I can pass by these without even a glance, safe in the assurance that there is nothing there worth reading and that any review I might post would merely be frothing at the mouth about the murder of the English language.

*Baby Peeve of the Day: Using "said" instead of "the" when referring to a recently mentioned person or object. Example: "Said girl picked up said sunglasses and put them on." I have written no less than 5 reviews today trying to politely point out that this is irritating, confusing, and jarring for the reader, and deleted them all after concluding that there is no polite way to tell people they need to Just Write Better.

**See: Spaces Are Good and Use Real Words
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
So for me Twilight-the-movie swings between hilarious and SRSLY THAT IS SO CREEPY STALKER RUN AWAY. Then there is more laughing and then more EWW CREEPY, with a healthy dose of Did They Really Just Say That. Most of the writing is on par with, say… Sanctuary, a show which suffers from having SciFi's crappiest writers (and even SciFi's finest are only, y'know, fine) working on the scripts in a sort of half-assed way. I keep wondering who the hell managed to get paid for this drivel, and then remembering that they probably lifted at least half of the dialogue straight out of the book. That at least answers the bad script question.
Also, Bella has missed every single Significant Look exchanged in her presence during the movie so far. ALL of them. That takes some kind of actual talent.
And OMG THERE IS A SPARKLE NOISE.


In other news, do you ever read something, think something terrible and snarky, then think "Oh my god, don't say/type that, that is your FRIEND. Having friends is NICE and saying (whatever) is DEFINITELY NOT", but then continue to be secretly amused by this terrible snarkalicious thing you almost said?

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