all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (uptown local)
It looks like "not for the next few days" meant "not for a couple of weeks". Everything went as smoothly as could be reasonably expected (more smoothly than could reasonably have been expected, honestly, given that we were moving fully-loaded server racks around), but damn did it wipe me out. And then the following week was too busy to take it easy.

This past week was pretty exciting too. On Thursday we had really high wind and our whole building lost power, which ended up killing several small servers. First, though, it killed the ballast in the fluorescent lights, which resulted in a horrible smell of burning plastic, and the evacuation of the whole building (not just our office... the whole building) while the fire department tried to figure out if our office was on fire or not.

Good stuff.

I've taken this whole week off. I actually put in my request before the move, because I knew I would need a vacation after that nonsense. I just didn't know how much the intervening two weeks would contribute as well. The knowledge that I do not have to go in to work tomorrow is delicious.
all_strange_wonders: (aspirin or death)
11 hour day today. Probably looking at another one tomorrow, and another one the day after.

Whee.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Clearly, actual daily posts were a little ambitious for my current energy levels. I'll keep trying, though probably not for the next few days while I have this huge work project to get through. I have to get to the office early and then leave late, and I'm *shudder* in charge of it. Just a wee bit stressful, and it's on a very strict timeline to avoid impacting testing.

Over the weekend, Peter and I went to our local Women's March. It was huge! Our local new media kindly pointed out that the protests in big cities like New York and Seattle were bigger (thanks guys, super helpful comparison between our area and areas with a much, much larger and more uniformly liberal population), but I think it might be the most well-attended march/rally/protest I've ever been to. We managed to find my mother and a family friend in the crowd, and sticking in the middle of a group of people I actually know helped me manage my crowd anxiety pretty well. I took a bunch of photos, mostly of great protest signs, and a few to try and show how big the crowd was.

We stayed for a couple of hours, and then came home and basically collapsed. It was good to go, but it didn't do anything to relieve my basic sense of helplessness and futility in the face of a Republican-controlled government on the state and federal level that will just go ahead and do whatever it wants, regardless of my feedback. It's particularly a problem here in NC, where the districts are so gerrymandered. It's very frustrating.
all_strange_wonders: (tea or brandy)
I don't think I posted last night. Took some melatonin to try and sleep and completely crashed.

Not a lot to write about. Trying to prep for the march at the state capitol on Saturday--Peter is measuring out a grid to help me with my block letters on my sign("ERA NOW", because who doesn't love a good throwback?), and I've got yarn to knit a hat, or at least try to. I mean, one hat in 24 hours doesn't seem too ambitious, right?

I should have started earlier, but until about yesterday I kind of thought the protest was on Sunday. Oops. My brain just wants to put off the inevitable for as long as possible, I guess.

I'm so worried. I already have friends worried that they will lose access to vital medical care because they won't be able to afford insurance without the ACA. My state is so gerrymandered that in some ways it can't even be considered a democracy, and we're about to have a US Attorney General and a Supreme Court that are very unlikely to be friendly to voting rights. I'm afraid the economy will go belly-up again and I'll be back to waiting tables or slinging comics or some other exhausting minimum-wage job that won't even cover the rent.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Not going to work-vomit today, because I'm sick of giving work room in my head.

Things that are good today:
Purring lap cats
Playing peekaboo and getting my first hug from my friend H's daughter
The Games Wizards Play audiobook
all_strange_wonders: (maturity style)
There's a guy at my office. He's nice, he means well... and he's just not very good at the job. He's an apprentice, so he's supposed to be learning things, but he's just not picking stuff up very quickly. I don't know what it is.

I figured it would be pretty safe to hand him the task of deploying a testing setup for a new hire, though, since I have a package set up for deploying them. It has a guide on how to use it, documentation for the setup, and a complete set of configurations. Except for changing management IPs on everything, it's pretty much as close to plug-and-play as you can get in our lab. It usually takes me between two and three hours to deploy it and verify it.

It took him almost three days, and that included me diving in on Friday afternoon to correct issues like the cabling not matching the diagram. Apparently he also made up and applied his own configs because... he wanted to make sure the setup was working? Except that's what the pre-made configs are for. And basically everything was a clusterfuck.

And he's a nice guy, and he means well, and he spent hours over the weekend working on this thing...

...and he still couldn't diagnose a fairly straightforward issue that I sorted in under half an hour once I got to the office and read my email this morning. I have to say, it does sort of change my perception of my own abilities for the better, even while I feel bad because I don't see how he can get hired on permanently when his contract is up.

Other than that--all the Skip Beat. I caught up to the most recent scans, and then I still wanted more, so I dragged down the first of my Viz 3-in-1s and I'm starting back at the very beginning. It's wild to go back and see Kyoko and Ren at odds. I had kind of forgotten that whole section of the story, it was so long ago. Maybe I'll use a little Christmas money to catch my print collection up a bit...
all_strange_wonders: (keg of glory)
Oops. Missed two days, apparently.

Friday was pretty busy, all day, and then I went straight from work to the dance. Good thing, too, because by the time the first half was over, I was ready to go home and go to bed. I think I was probably asleep by 10:30, which is early even for me, especially on a Friday.

Yesterday we went to the market in the morning and then ran errands until well into the afternoon. And then my brain cut out, apparently, because I can't remember the rest of the day at all. It probably involved some reading Skip-Beat, since I've been working on catching up with that. I'm like 9 months or a year behind. I keep laughing out loud and then not being able to explain the jokes to Peter.

And now Peter is writing up notes from our RPG and laughing evilly. I'm sure that'll be fine... right?
all_strange_wonders: (tea or brandy)
Oof. Slept well, actually had a decent and productive morning at the office, and then the afternoon/evening just went straight off the rails. Almost forgot to write this, and now that I have--bed.
all_strange_wonders: (wrathful whatsit)
You know you have problems when the project manager is asking if you know what's going on. I don't know if it's just my employer, or if all startups are like this, but damn.

Also, if you follow this journal on LJ, this is the last entry that I will be mirroring to LJ. From now on, new updates will only post to https://all-strange-wonders.dreamwidth.org/. This journal will remain up as an archive until our new Russian overlords torch the servers, I guess.

PS: To my assigned FSB or SVR agent: FREE CRIMEA! And tell Putin to put his shirt back on.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Ok, going to start trying for a daily post. Not a long one, but at least a few lines.

I am definitely super burned-out on my job, where I'm not getting the resources or support I could use (and neither is anybody else).

I had a new story idea in the shower today, though! Been a while since that happened. And it's a twofer, because it started with a potential title and then I got a fanwork and an original out of it, both with the same opening line. I mean, the fanwork is three lines and maybe a fragment I wrote a few months ago, and the original is just the opening line, but... better than nothing.

Maybe someday I will finish a thing that's not a oneshot.

Maybe someday my writing will be as good as it used to be. God, I'm rusty. Need to read more. Anybody got any book suggestions?

Festivus

Dec. 25th, 2016 12:33 am
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Let me take one moment, in the darkness that seems to be closing in, to say:

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.



Bless us all, that as we live
We always comfort and forgive
We have so much that we can share
With those in need we see around us everywhere.

Let us always love each other,
Lead us toward the light.
Let us hear the voice of reason
Singing in the night.
Let us run from anger,
And catch us when we fall.
Teach us in our dreams and please, yes, please
Bless us one and all.


As they keep reminding me at church, "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out."
all_strange_wonders: (inna bucket)
Let's see...

I think when I left off, it was October, I was in Chicago, and the Trumpocalypse had not yet come.

I miss October.
I miss the first week of November.
Hell, I miss the whole rest of 2016, and that's something I never thought I would say. Trump being elected is probably the only thing that could possible have happened to make me in less of a hurry to put 2016 behind me. Now I dread what comes next.

On reflection, I don't know how much better it would have been if Hillary had won. Institutionally, I think we would have been better off--there wouldn't be a climate change denier heading for the top office at the EPA, just for example. But the people who voted for Trump would still be there. The neo-nazis and white nationalists would still have been emboldened. It's just that this conflict would have remained smoothed over and hidden just enough for people like me to maybe ignore it a while longer.

Now we have to look it right in the ugly face. It's right out in the open, even here in my little liberal bastion.

I have cried a lot. I cried pretty much the whole day after the election. I cried when someone spray painted "Black lives don't matter and neither do your votes" on a wall in my beloved hometown. I cried when the KKK drove through my boyfriend's town. I have nightmares.

I've done other things, too. I listened in on an emergency State Board of Elections meeting hastily convened on a Sunday afternoon. I submitted public comment to another, to make it clear that the people of the state are watching and paying attention. I signed up for publications and groups that will keep me up to date about various political action items. I went to a Moral Monday rally. I gave money. I subscribed to a newspaper.

None of it has stopped me from being very, very afraid about what's coming next.

It's still better than doing nothing.

For now, life goes on as usual, even with all that. Micro is allowed outside on his own now, with no leash and harness. To show his gratitude, he left a headless, semi-mummified rodent of some variety right outside the kitchen door. I don't want to know what happened to the head, but I'm glad he's enjoying himself. Luna thinks she should be able to go outside whenever she wants, now, too. She speaks about it at great length and volume, but I have not yet given in. She's much more skittish, and also a lot dumber about cars.

Maybe this time next year I'll be writing from Montevideo. Maybe I'll still be here. I just don't know.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
TMI ahoy!

So we're in Chicago for the weekend. While I was packing to go, I looked at my DivaCup, thought about it, and went, "....nah. Not gonna happen. I won't need that."

Ha.

Ha.

Fucking Ha.

Despite my trusty little implant, I woke up to blood this morning. Luckily, I do keep some supplies in my car at all times. Unluckily, the car is parked two blocks away.

Luckily, our hostess has extra supplies. Now I just have to try to remember how to use a tampon with an applicator, because I haven't used one of these suckers since I was about 13, when I put on my big girl pants and started using applicator-free tampons.

I, a grown-ass woman, even asked google. Wish me luck, people. Also, wish me luck in finding my trusty box of organic cotton applicator-free tampons in the depth of my car, because I miss them already.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
I started an entry about cat litter almost two weeks ago. I still haven't finished it. (I know you guys are absolutely on fire to hear my opinions about cat litter and litter scoops. Don't worry, they're still coming.)

Work has been a long series of manufactured emergencies. Life has, to some extent, been the same. Lots of hard work. So much cleaning. I'm still living in a landscape of boxes that need to be unpacked.

I'm trying to set myself a routine--I wake up in the morning and take care of one chore that needs to be dealt with, plus feeding the cats before I leave. I go to work and deal with the 3 to 7 incredibly urgent issues that just came up (spoiler: they have not actually just come up, but people have just set their underwear on fire about it and can't find the damn water bucket themselves). I take my lunch break to watch silly youtube videos (thank you, Designing Women, I needed that laugh) or read a book so that I can someday stop renewing my library books and actually return them. I come home and try to make sure I do one thing just for Peter. I also try and do one thing just for me. Then, if I still have any energy and will left, I try to get in one other chore.

I spent last weekend cleaning the old house like a demon, because I want my damn deposit back. The landlord hasn't even seen the place yet and is already making threatening noises about not returning all of the security deposit. Charming man. I long to be shed of him forever.

This weekend... I'd like to visit my parents. There's lots of other stuff to do, too, though. Peter is sad that we didn't make it to Emerald Pointe this summer, and this is the last weekend it's open. I'd kind of like to go, but I also hate crowds. I thought he was going to go with Paul a couple of months back, but apparently they never got it together. I'd like to unpack some boxes, and bring in the lamps and shelves sitting in the carport and set them up. If I can find a place to put my bookshelf, I can empty at least two and half boxes right there.

There's a contra dance on Saturday night, and I know I should go to that. I'm out of shape--I haven't danced more than 4 dances in a night in months, and I've skipped too many dances entirely from being tired and out of sorts. Also, my new ("new"--they were only a year or so old) dance shoes fell apart on me at the Shenandoah Shindig back at the beginning of the year, when I danced right through the stitching holding the soles on, and although I've replaced Peter's dance shoes, I still haven't replaced mine. I've been dancing in my old jazz shoes, which are mostly held together with glue and hope at this point in their extremely long life, and which really don't have any padding. (When I say long life, I mean it, by the way--I think my mother bought them for me when I was in 8th grade. Might have been 9th. They were my contra dance shoes for the many, many dances over three years until I got tired of gluing the suede back onto them.) Anyway, my point is that there have been plenty of reasons for not dancing... but I should still get back into the swing of it.

I guess that's the news for now. We trudge on. I adult. I need more joy.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Tiny, convenient miracle of the morning:

Just got an appointment reminder from my GP, for next Friday afternoon. I don't need to schedule a special visit to be like "So... I'm tired a lot. Is this just an aging thing?"

I should probably call and see if I'm supposed to be getting blood work done, though.

The other slightly miraculous thing? I've already taken off next Friday (and Thursday, and the following Monday and Tuesday) to deal with moving, so I don't have to deal with any last minute schedule juggling because I forgot about the appointment as soon as I made it last year.


Other good things:
Tea with milk and honey. Toast with butter and strawberry jam. Happy cats.
all_strange_wonders: (tea or brandy)
I don't do frivolous sick days. Yesterday, I called in because I was just so incredibly tired.

I'm going through a bit of a tough time right now, really. My sleep schedule would really like to readjust to staying up late, I think, so I'm not sleeping well. And life is just kind of generally exhausting. I'm tired a lot. Usually it's more of a mental/emotional exhaustion (oh god, I am so tired--living with other people and not having much quiet time or private space is hard, trying to deal with my relationship and my depressed/pained/unhappy partner is *exhausting*), but the past little bit it has also been physical.

I should probably go to the doctor, but the prospect of finding the time for the appointment and actually driving out to Hillsborough for it is also exhausting. I'm pretty much just used right up, and there's nothing left for dealing with anything else.

Peter wants me to go see a therapist. Good idea. Peter wants me to go see one of the two therapists listed as kink-friendly in the area. Neither of them takes my insurance. Big upfront expense, extra stress of having to try and file that shit myself? Thanks, I'll just nope my own way out.
all_strange_wonders: (aspirin or death)
Once again in News Everybody Else Already Knew:
Holy shit, moving is *expensive*, y'all. I'm basically paying triple rent for August, because there's the rent for the old place, the deposit for the new place, and the rent for the new place.

My godawful landlord had damn well better return my deposit on the old place. We're going to leave this shitty house cleaner than we found it, probably. The fact that his deferred maintenance left the place in a state where shit kept breaking while we were here isn't our fault. (See: oh god we're all going to burn in an electrical fire, why is there a pond around the toilet, was that stain on the ceiling there before or is the roof leaking?). Doesn't help that dude lives in NY and is terrible about getting repair people in a timely manner. That toilet leak took like 3 weeks to fix, and then he tried to pin the damage on me for "not informing him sooner". I'm not sure how I was supposed to know that the leak would happen before it started, so... I maybe have given him some very polite and Southern shit for that.

Yeah. Expensive, but probably still worth it to be dealing with a real property management company with experience. Also probably worth it to be able to leave a shitty Yelp review if they suck at this as much as he does.
all_strange_wonders: (tea or brandy)
I fell apart a little today.

When Peter and I started dating back in 2012, I didn't realise just how stressful and exhausting it would be to be in a relationship with someone with chronic pain and increasingly severe depression. It made me understand my ex's decision to break up with me while I was going through a severe depressive episode a lot better. Goodness knows I've been tempted more than once to just throw up my hands and say "Enough! I can't do this anymore! I'm tired, I'm tapped out, and I'm just plain done."

But sometimes I do start crying and talking about how tired I am. Today was one of those days. It's been a stressful few weeks, what with dealing with the landlord (oh god just make it stop, I am so fucking done), finding a new place to live (there goes all my money!), and trying to do all the usual chores and priority juggling without much success.

(We have a new place to live. I got a promotion and a raise at work, so my finances won't be quite as tight as I thought. And of course recognition for my hard work is pretty nice, too. It's not all bad.)

And I miss my parents. Maybe it's all the stress. Maybe it's the fact that I've ended up spending more time with Peter's parents than my own recently. Maybe I'm just homesick for the simplicity of being someone's child, instead of my usual feeling these days of being the maid in a madhouse.

I usually try to keep shit together. Keep calm and carry on, etc. But today I just sort of lost it and started crying.

I hate that it gets to that point, but I really don't know what else to do.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
Well, I definitely haven't managed three sentences every night. I tend to forget if Peter isn't here to remind me (and usually he checks to see if I've done it right as we're getting into bed, so sometimes even when he does remind me I opt for sleep over writing...).

I am making progress though, a few sentences at a time. I'm definitely not going to break any speed records, and I've written myself into a corner, but there are 1000+ more words to Happy New Year than there used to be. Not a single one of them has been written in a hail of inspiration--just 3 or 4 or 5 sentences at a time, with occasional inserted ##Hey, come back and explain this thing later, when you know what it is##.
all_strange_wonders: An illustration of Nita from the Young Wizards story "Uptown Local". (Default)
I was chatting with my friend J the other night. She's studying for the bar and having 3 different wedding celebrations this summer. She's also going to try and write a novella.

Why no, I don't feel like a slacker at all. Why do you ask?

Soooo I'm trying to reboot my writing practice once again. 3 sentences a night. That's all. They don't have to be good sentences, they don't have to be long sentences, but I have to add three sentences every night to something.

So far, with my boyfriend's help, I've managed to remember for three nights running. We'll see. Historically, I'm not good at sustained writing efforts. The only things I've ever actually finished are one-shots. Anything longer than that tends to sort of... get away from me. I'd really like to finish Happy New Year someday, though.

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